


Bittersweet (h.s)

by jlm00



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, First Love, Harry Styles - Freeform, Heartbreak, Inspired by Music, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 01:35:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5608822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jlm00/pseuds/jlm00
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You got my past, I had your present.</p><p>* Song credits to Jana Kramer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bittersweet (h.s)

**_"I saw your picture in the paper, Honeymoon in Jamaica, she's a lucky girl."_ **

 

A sigh falls from my shaky lips while I flip through the thin papers of the local newspaper, the wind outside of my window howling loudly despite the warm and sunny day. Everywhere I look I'm surrounded by Harry Styles. From the grocery store to every social media I have, he's the center of everyone's attention. Sometimes when I think back to those years in school that we would lay back on a blanket and count the stars as if we would actually manage to get them all, my throat dries up and I can't speak without risking the tears to fall, but I can tell by looking in those bright eyes and that contagious little grin that he's exactly where he needs to be - with her.

I remember a time when I made him happy. I could walk through the door and he looked like he could faint at the sight of me. And frankly, the feelings were mutual. Anytime I pass him on the streets or see his picture on a billboard, I still get tongue-tied and I can't bring my focus to anything that doesn't involve him. After five and a half years I'm still so in love with this beautiful, charming man who doesn't even glance my way in the dairy section of the supermarket while I'm basically drooling into my purse.

 

**_"You look so grown up in your black tux, from a ball cap in a pick up, seems like another world."_ **

 

One of the hardest parts of being in love with someone like Harry Styles is knowing what they used to be and what they are now; and what makes it worse, is he hasn't changed. He went from this curly-headed, dorky, clumsy boy to an older and even cuter curly-headed, dorky, clumsy man. He may have gained a few million dollars and a few million Twitter followers, but deep down he is still this little kid that thinks the coolest thing to exist is a bubble that doesn't pop when you touch it and could eat a gallon of ice cream in an hour just because he feels like it.

There were so many days where I would walk out of our strict and uninteresting school to see him already waiting in his dirty truck with our CD turned up all of the way just to make sure all of the other students knew that he dedicated himself to me and vice versa. He would drive me out to an open area with a little lake surrounded by trees so we could just sit in each other's company and feel at home. 

He built his mother a house on that land a few years ago, I haven't been since.

 

**_"You and me and our big dreams, falling in love."_ **

 

We both had big dreams. He always wanted to pursue a music career and I always wanted to be a successful author. At least one of us followed through with our dreams. Harry believes in fate, whereas I never did. He would tell me I have the most creative mind and I just wouldn't put it to use. I couldn't count how many fights we had over my progress in my writing. Sometimes I would walk around and just think of something for perfect inspiration and I would just have to stop whatever I was doing to just write. I would always let him read my work and he would always tell me how great it would be. We made plans to write a song together one day. His passion for music and my pointless thoughts might be able to make us a hit one day. 

Little did the two of us know that he would one day be the inspiration for all of the heartbroken scribbles and ink smudges in the journal he gave to me for my fifteenth birthday.

 

**_"We were two kids in the backseat, all fearless and young."_ **

 

He was brave. He always stood up for himself and he didn't back down from his opinion. I was confident, I knew where I stood and I wasn't ashamed to be who I was. Maybe that's what made us click. I knew who I was and he knew  what he wanted. He was looking for someone spontaneous, who had a "what the hell" attitude about life. I wanted someone that I could cause trouble with and not have to worry about calling my mom at 3 am to explain why I was drunk and trying to steal a bag of chips from the store alone. We were convenient for each other, we were exactly what we were looking for in a partner at fourteen years old.

On Thursday nights he would pick me up and we would go sit in his truck that we parked in the school parking lot just to have some time to ourselves. It was like a little getaway, even if it was only for three hours. It all started when I got in a fight with my mom about some test scores and I needed to escape from everything for a while. He stole the keys to his sister's car and drove over to get me, then when we were riding around town we ran out of gas about half a mile from the school. He called some of his friends that lived close by and they pushed it into the car park until the next morning when he got a call from Gemma asking "where the hell are you and what have you done with my car." We made so many memories on these nights; we both got wasted, high, and fearless just sitting in the back of a vehicle listening to music like The Script or Elvis (when I was feeling generous.)

 

**_"I got the first kiss and she'll get the last. She's got the future, I got the past."_ **

 

I would go to parties in college to get my mind off of all of my responsibilities, and I never failed to end up either high or drunk on the bathroom floor of someone's house crying because my head was filled with thoughts of him.  I would think of his laugh, or the way his eyes shine when he's happy, or the way he hugs someone so tightly you can't help but never want to let go. I would remember the way his lips felt on mine and the way he would hide his face in the crook of my neck when he was upset. The memories of falling in love with this incredibly charming boy would fill my head until all I could think about for days straight was every moment I have ever shared with Harry Styles and his entire existence would consume me to the point I wouldn't be able to breathe and I would drain all of my energy crying over some of the best years of my life.

And now I have to accept the fact that she can make all of these moments and more with the love of my life and she won't even cherish them properly.

 

**_"I got the class ring, she got the diamond and wedding band. I got the boy, she got the man."_ **

 

His class ring has his birth stone in the center, with a music note on one side and his birthday on the other. I know this because it's currently sitting in my jewelry box on my dresser, along with a necklace and bracelet he gave me as anniversary gifts. I wore it every day and he wore mine. People would always tell us we were a typical, cheesy high school relationship. And we knew we were, but that didn't ever seem to matter as long as I had him and he had me. He was the only boy I could imagine seeing myself with in the future.

Makes me wonder if he still has my ring.

But now that we're in the future I get to work at a shitty music shop while being surrounded with the exciting news of sweet little Harry's perfect wedding and perfect wife and perfect everything. So while I'm studying his class ring for the seven-millionth time and she can show off her new shiny diamond ring that I'm sure cost more money than I'm worth.

 

**_"Yeah there's an old you that I knew, fake IDs to get into those spring break bars."_ **

 

Spring was my favorite season. Flowers bloom, the weather warms, two weeks vacation, a lot of beer, and a bright smile to fall in love with even when you have eight bottles of alcohol flowing in your system. We would go to the states and make fake IDs in a thrift shop so we can go into these crappy beach side bars and drink until two a.m. so we can just go get sick in our camper the next morning. After we take half of a bottle of pain killers we would go hang out at the beach before doing it all again that night. Eventually the bartenders would catch on that we weren't really legal, but they knew we were staying right on the beach so no one ever actually said anything to us about it.

 

**_"Back woods on a four wheel, hanging on tight, I can still feel my racing heart."_ **

 

After getting tired of being so drunk we couldn't remember our names, we would meet up with some people we met at the bars and we would head out to an open wooded area and we would have four-wheeler races. I loved to sit on the side and watch him go up against another guy, because I could focus on him. I could watch the way he would bite his lip and his eyebrows would knit together, how he would grip the handle bars so tightly you would think they would rip off as if he were the Hulk, and how his hair would be pushed back by the wind when he takes off at full speed. I would memorize the way he would smile like a three year old who was given ice cream when he won and he would pout like a sad puppy when he lost. I would hold onto his shirt to the point I thought I would rip it off of him when I rode with him, but the adrenaline from the ride is enough to give you a natural high without even having to touch a single drug.

 

**_"And now you're cleaned up with a hair cut, nice tie and shoes."_ **

 

I can't watch award shows anymore. For one, it's more performances from overrated, autotuned musicians more than it actually is awards. And second, I get a little too emotional when it does show his band winning something. I remember laying on his bed while he sat beside me with a guitar in his hands singing  a Paramore song that he learned just for me and all of those late night talks when we're too high to know what we're talking about, but we'd always get on the topic of our futures, and how badly he wanted to write his own songs and sing on his own tour to his own fans one day. The pride I feel from watching Harry stand on a stage with a Brit or a Grammy in his hands for his hard work is enough to make me cry for a few hours.

Let us also not forget how good he looks in a suit.

 

**_"If things were different and I had a choice, which would I choose?"_ **

****

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be with 2015 Harry. I don't think he would be much different. I feel like he is still the same fourteen year old boy I fell in love with and the same seventeen year old boy that broke my heart. I'm sure he's still kind of a quiet person but he's an absolute sweetheart when you talk to him. His voice is deep but he speaks slowly and the way he gives you his undivided attention when you're holding a conversation with him is heartwarming. He would melt at the sight of any animal and he could see a candle and want to buy it for his mother just because he thinks it's a smell she would like. 

But at the same time, he's so different than the Harry I knew. I knew a young boy who worked at a bakery and spent his free time either watching movies with his cat or with a little garage band we all thought for sure would be the most popular band in the world one day. Harry today is a man with a lot of power and a lot of self-confidence. He knows who he is and what he's capable of if he ever ends up involved in something wrong. He's still the same person at heart, sure, but what if he isn't the same on the surface? He might act like just any other rich celebrity, for all I know.

 

**_"I got the first kiss and she'll get the last. She's got the future and I got the past. I got the class ring, she got the diamond and wedding band. I got the boy and she got the man."_ **

 

School games. Kisses. Late night adventures. Laughter. Tears. My school years were amazing, despite whatever fights we had. We were never scared of going out and having a good time. We would genuinely be happy just driving all over town with the windows down and a shitty radio station turned up as long as it'll go. We balanced each other, we were each other's equal, their rock. I depended on him to keep me safe and he depended on me to keep him out of getting arrested with some of his stupid friends. There wasn't a day that went by that we didn't talk, no matter what troubles we were facing that day. We were always looking for something to do. It didn't matter what idea it was, how dangerous or stupid it could be, we did it and we had fun.

 

**_"I got the first kiss and she'll get the last. We each got something, the other will never have. I got the long hair, hot head. She got the cool and steady hand. I got the boy and she got the man."_ **

 

I sit at home or at work and watch Netflix or scroll through Twitter while he travels the world with his band mates and gorgeous super-model wife. I get to walk around town and think about why I didn't try harder to keep our relationship together instead of letting him walk away from me when he was on X-Factor and she gets to surround herself in all of the attention and publicity she is getting from her new status. I write shitty short stories on my laptop about falling in love and getting heartbroken late at night until the bakery I'm in closes and he can visit home whenever he isn't singing his own songs on his own tour to his own fans just so he can bump into me at the supermarket and not recognize me in the slightest.

I get to surround myself with all of this bittersweetness that I feel like I could drown in it.

But that's what wine is for.

 

**_"I got the boy and she got the man."_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Word Count: 2594 words
> 
> Song: I Got The Boy by Jana Kramer


End file.
